Horrific Accident
A blonde had just totaled her car in a horrific accident.
Miraculously, she managed to pry herself from the wreckage without a scratch and
was applying fresh lipstick when the state trooper arrived.
“My God!” the trooper gasped. “Your car looks like an accordion that was stomped on by an elephant.
Are you OK ma’am?”
“Yes, officer, I’m just fine” the blonde chirped.
“Well, how in the world did this happen?” the officer asked as he surveyed the wrecked car.
“Officer, it was the strangest thing!” the blonde began.
I was driving along this road when from out of nowhere this TREE pops up in front of me.
So I swerved to the right, and there was another tree!
I swerved to the left and there was ANOTHER tree!
I served to the right and there was another tree!
I swerved to the left and there was ….”
“Uh, ma’am”, the officer said, cutting her off, “There isn’t a tree on this road for 30 miles.
That was your air freshener swinging back and forth.”
Apple Lemon and Grenade
Once there were 3 people in an airplane, one took a bite out of an apple. She thought it was too sweet so she threw it out of
the plane. The second person took a bite out of a lemon and she thought it was too sour so, she threw it out of the plane. Then
the last person took a bite out of a grenade and he thought it was too crunchy so, he threw it out of the plane. Then they
landed and decided to go for a walk. They first passed a little girl who was crying and they asked, “little girl, little girl,
why are you crying?” and the little girl said, “an apple came down and killed my new kitty”. Next they passed a little boy
who was also crying. And they again asked, “little boy, little boy, why are you crying?” and the little boy said, “a lemon came
down and killed my new puppy.” Then they passed a blonde sitting on the side walk laughing her butt off. They asked, “why are you laughing so hard?” and the blonde said, “I farted and the building behind me blew up!!”
Blondes and Genie
Three unemployed blondes were out shoppping one day when they found an oil lamp in an antique store.
Together they began rubbing it and miraculously,a genie appeared. ‘I will grant you as much intelligence as you desire, ’said the geni.
‘Wow, ’said the first blonde ‘i would like to be ten times smarter then I am now,’and in a flash the genie granted her the wish.
The next day then blonde got a job as a teacher.
‘Hmmm said the second blonde.I would like to be twenty times smarter. Your wish is my command said the genie as he blinked his eyes and granted her wish. The next day she found a job as a nuclear physicist.
Well said the third blonde.I would like thing the way they are now.I dont have to go to a job and think all the time…if anything i would rather be ten times dumber right ok said the genie and The next day she woke up and found she was a man..
Three Men
Three men of different nationalities walk into a bar. Each order a glass of Scotch. Each glass has a fly in it.
The Englishmen pushes the glass aside with his nose in the air and demands a new drink.
The Scottish man picks the fly out and drinks.
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Three Wetbacks
One day there was three wetbacks trying to go to the U.S. One of the wetbacks told the other wetbacks.”Chinga We gotta learn some English” So they decided to learn the colors.
So as a week passes by the 1 wetback goes and says”I’m going to US i’m a US citizen”So the officer says i want you to give me a sentence using three colors Orange,Red,Blue.So the wetback tells him..” An orange is orange an apple is red and the sky is blue.So the officer says ok go ahead.
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Modern World
WITHIN this restless, hurried, modern world
We took our hearts’ full pleasure—You and I,
And now the white sails of our ship are furled,
And spent the lading of our argosy.
Wherefore my cheeks before their time are wan,
For very weeping is my gladness fled,
Sorrow hath paled my lip’s vermilion,
And Ruin draws the curtains of my bed.
Big Chili
Tony slept over his friends house, his friend said “lets go to a party”
Tony:”i dont have any clothes”
Friend:”dont worry i lend you some of mine”
so tony borrowed his friends clothes and went to the party.
there was a girl who saw tony’s shoes and said “this man has a big chili”
so she went up to him and they made friends, went home and did the nasty.
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Marriage Proposal
Dear Ms. XXXXXXXXX,
Baby, I ‘v seen you yesterday while surfing on local train
platform and realized that you are the only site I was browsing for. For
long time, I have been lonely, trying to find a bug in my life and you can
be a real debugger for me now.
My life is just an uncompiled program without you, which never
produces an executable code and hence is useless. You are not only
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Height of Coincidence
Abraham Lincoln was elected to Congress in 1846.
John F. Kennedy was elected to Congress in 1946.
Abraham Lincoln was elected President in 1860.
John F. Kennedy was elected President in 1960.
The names Lincoln and Kennedy each contain seven letters.
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